Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
