he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
