i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
