Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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