Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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