well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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