I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
