she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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