Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
