would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
