Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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