god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
