Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
