Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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