Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
