Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
