HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
