I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
