it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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