I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
