So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
