I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I supernannyed him into submission
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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