Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
