Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
