She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
