I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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