My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
