Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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