My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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