Four minutes until I can fart!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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