get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
