Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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