Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize