I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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