I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
