Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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