You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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