Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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