there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I party with great urgency now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
