Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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