I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
