Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
