mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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