i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she told me i tasted like america
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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