There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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