I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize