she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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