How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
