dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
