Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
