Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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