Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
