she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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