the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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