He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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