You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
