I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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