My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
