If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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