The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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