I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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