Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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