It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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