This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
