Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
