all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
