I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
