yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
