im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
