He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
