I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
