if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
