is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
