If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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